Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
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i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
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HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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