Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
birth control should be required to get into college
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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