Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
