KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
