Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
