What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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