Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
