Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
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