Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
