I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
