dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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