The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
