You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
When are your genitals available?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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