shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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