How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Randomize
