Don't you send me to vm
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
do nipples grow back?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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