Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
