So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
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It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
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Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
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