Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
