I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
This gyro tastes like lonliness
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
