took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
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