Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
