There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
