woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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