Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
