i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize