And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
