every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I party with great urgency now.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
