Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
