we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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