Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
