I wanna bring you to show and tell
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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