Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
