As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
