just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
drinking out of a sandbucket again
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
