Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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