operation harelip BJ is a go
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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