Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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