I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
