She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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