Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
