I don't usually arrange sex via text message
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
pop tarts are not kleenex
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
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