Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
