I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
