Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Randomize
