Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
