Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
