giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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