The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
