Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
