Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
