Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
