dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
