Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
