yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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