I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
