He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize