I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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