I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
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