I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
