You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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