I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Randomize
