we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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