just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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