i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
