remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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