I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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