What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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