Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
