it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i can't believe i had my finger in that
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
