She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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